Fuck You, Depression

Depression is such a slippery little bitch. It reminds me of a boa constrictor; it'll slowly wrap around your whole body until you literally can't breathe, just to leave you exhausted once it stops applying pressure. 


Now I’m no rookie when it comes to dealing with my depression. For me, it comes in waves and is very unpredictable. 

For those of you that have experienced surfing at least once in your life, hopefully you will understand this reference. Fighting depression is like paddling out, trying to get past the break. Some days you’ll get past the break with no problems, feeling on top of the world. Other days, the waves are relentlessly tossing you like a ragdoll back toward shore, refusing to let you get past. 

I can never predict when I’m about to go 2-3-4 weeks feeling numb to everything. I can never predict when I’ll sleep 12 hours a day with absolutely no motivation to get out of bed. I can never predict when I have no control over my thoughts. I can never predict when something is about really fuck up my day. And the most frustrating part is, I can never predict when the shit storm will pass.

The point I’m trying to make is, although depression and other mental health issues are vastly different for everyone, if you can relate to this, you can probably REALLY fucking relate to this.

When I am going through a period where I know I’m in a bad funk, there are certain things that I FORCE myself to do, regardless of how I’m feeling. These are some steps I take that work for me, I cannot make the assumption that they will work for everyone. I’d also like to add that trying to stay disciplined with these practices is difficult; I fuck up everyday, nobody is perfect, we are all human. 

Let's not act like the world is full of angel influencers.  

I’m not saying all, but some people who preach the same basic practices I’m about to, tend to wrap it up very nicely and put a bow on it. I’m not going to put bows on shit, I know it is not fucking easy to accomplish all these tasks every day. Practice makes perfect.

I’m here to talk about the dark side of the world most people tend to look past cause they don’t want to recoginze that we have a real fucking problem on our hands as HUMANS. Our generations are continually getting more sick in the head because of how the last left them. Imagine the world we will leave our kids if we don't clean up our act and start prioritizing our mental health above all else. That means EVERYONE. 

Whoever decided it was weak to not talk about mental struggles can go fuck themselves. I’m so tired of people ignoring/avoiding/arguing about this issue. Fuck this COVID shit - we’ve been in the middle of a deadly pandemic our whole fucking lives. In todays world, you’ll RARELY hear anyone talk about the exponential amount of suicide deaths and drug overdoses in the last 10 years. 

I’m no fucking scientist and I understand this is a bold, probably inaccurate thing to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. COVID is killing old peeople, opiodes and suicide are killing young people. Who’s taking care of the next generation of people? Not the fucking old people. So why have we heard about the covid deaths every fucking day for the past two years? When was the last time we read a headline about the sky rocketing number of suicides and opiod overdose deaths amounst our generation?

So since no one wants to talk about the dark side of our fucking world, let me be the first to introduce you. If we don’t learn how to take care of our mental health in HEALTHY ways, we are so fucked and our kids are beyond fucked and our kids, kids are royally fucked. 

I include myself in this next statement because I know I am no saint. I need to take my own advice and practice what I preach. Don’t get me wrong, I try my best and I am proud of how far I’ve come, but there is always room for improvement. Anyway, these things help me deal with my demons. I hope they can help you too - 

1. Drinking a shit ton of water everyday - This is such an underestimated practice. I cannot explain the feeling of being well hydrated consistently. I swear to god, I feel like I’m glowing when I drink enough water everyday. My energy levels go WAY up, my thoughts are crystal clear, and most importantly, I know it is such a healthy thing to do for your overall health. 

2. Exercising everyday in some form or fashion - Literally any form of exercise will do. A simple walk around the block is just fine. For me, I enjoy lifting and boxing. I’m sure many can relate to the feeling of damn near torturing yourself to finish a hard workout when you want to quit so bad. The feeling of accomplishment after is unmatched. 


3. Eating healthy - As difficult as this is for me personally, I know it is very important. I know this is cliche, but your body is a fucking temple and you HAVE to respect it if you want to feel healthy, both body and mind. 


4. Writing/Journaling - Just releasing your thoughts, getting them on a document/paper/journal can be so incredibly helpful. 


5. Practice being grateful - Something that is very, very difficult to do when you’re going through some shit. However, it is crucial to count your blessings and be grateful for everything you have in life. It is a hard pill to swallow when you feel like the whole world is against you, but the truth is, somebody out there would KILL to be in the position you're in. Being grateful is a choice. No one can force it upon you.


6. Detoxing from alcohol - I could spend hours on this topic but I don’t feel like getting angry today trying to explain my hatred for alcohol. When I go out for a night and drink heavily, you might as well chalk me up for a week of crippling anxiety and depressed behavior. I get TERRIBLE sleep, I am dehydrated, my appetite is gone, I don’t have the energy to workout, I don’t feel like working, my patience level for bullshit is short, I’m just overall not a good person. I really hate the hungover version of myself, especially during times when there was literally no reason at all to stay out until 3:30am on a casual Friday night. There is absolutely no excuse for it and the only person I blame is myself because I know it was 100% my choice and I have to take responsibility for neglecting my health.


7. Reading - I know how important it is, but I just don’t do it that often. That's on me, that's something I’d like to work on. 


8. Controlling your environment - this one is tough because sometimes you don’t always have the choice. To put it in simple terms, if you spend most of your time with 5 alcoholics, you will most likely be the 6th. If you spend most of your time with 5 “artist” (could be anything), you will most likely be the 6th. 


I can think of a hundred more little things that help but quite honestly, if I think about this topic anymore I’m going to throw my laptop through the window. I’m glad I wrote this, I let off some steam, it felt good. Now, I’m gonna go listen to some vibey music, smoke a joint, and hit leg day. 

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